February 28, 2002 10:18:47 PM
Along with my after school program site coordinator and one of our tutors, I attended a workshop for the Building Diverse Communities program at Parents United for Child Care (PUCC). We were awarded a grant from PUCC to develop Multicultural programming that also comes with technical assistance and resource materials. The workshop was pretty touchy-feelie as I figured it would be. One thing that is going to be challenging for us as far as program planning for our faith-based center is going to be the whole gay-lesbian-transgender issue that has been lumped together with race and culture with regard to diversity issues. I am a Black, hetero-sexual Christian woman with fairly conservative views. I am absolutely against homosexuality as a normal, accepted lifestyle. My belief is that it is a sinful lifestyle disapproved by God. But I also know that God hates all sin and says that we should love the sinner and hate the sin. I have a very good friend who is bi-sexual. She knows what my views are, and I do not condemn her. Given my views and my site coordinator who shares my views, we do not plan to teach about sexuality at all in our program, let alone teach about what we consider to be aberrant sexual behavior. We will continue to teach our children to be loving and tolerant of each other's differences. We believe that sexualtiy is a topic best left to the family to deal with so that the child can learn what their family's values and beliefs are. It will be interesting to see how our views are received by this pretty liberal group of child care providers.
I am sitting here watching my three-year-old play on the floor with her toys. She is chirping happily, talking for the little people and moving the cars around and completely lost in what she is doing. I love how she changes the pitch of her voice for the different characters. I am amazed at how smart she is and how aware she is of what goes on around her. She asks intelligent questions, and she really wants to learn to read and write. I can barely keep up with her.
I am giving some thought to whether or not I will continue to keep this journal after Daryll and I are married. I’m thinking again about its place and purpose in my life. I know that I will always keep a journal, but whether or not it will be published as this one is questionable. I have been a single woman for a long time and my issues are my own. This journal has been therapeutic for me especially when I did not have someone in my life to share my dreams and questions and successes with. When our marriage begins, I am not sure that I will be so willing to put my husband’s business out there, or delve into the details of my married life. So, this may be the end of my blogging days.
February 25, 2002 11:37:02 PM
My gown fits wonderfully! I went to mommy's house this weekend for a fitting, and we had to make only a couple of minor adjustments. I am so excited! I bought a beautiful pair of bridal shoes. They are simple but elegant. Mom and Brianna and I went to a craft store and bought a bunch of chiffon ribbon, and other supplies to make decorations. After the fitting, I made dinner and we visited with mommy and Harold for awhile.
I also got the remaining fabric and batting that I needed to finish my double wedding rings quilt. I started this quilt when I was a teenager dreaming of getting married. Fifteen years later, my dreams are coming true and I am going to finish that quilt. It was going to be all double wedding rings, but I was stitching the squares by hand. I only got nine squares done and gave up. Those nine squares will go in the center, and I will add a nine-patch border and then plain fabric borders to complete the quilt. I will upload the pictures when I get the top completed. I had planned to quilt it by hand, but since I want this quilt to be finished before my grandchildren enter college, I will only hand quilt the center double wedding rings section. The rest will be hand tied. I got all of the pieces cut yesterday, and I will set up my sewing machine and sew the top in the evenings this week. I will have to quilt it at the church because I do not have any tables big enough at my house. It will be so satisfying to have finished this project, and I can't wait until we are in our new home and my quilt is on our bed.
Billy Blanks kicked my butt this morning! I am borrowing my sister's advanced Tae Bo video and I tried it out for the first time this morning. Boy are my muscles sreaming, but it feels great. I had been using the basic video for months, and this really kicks it up a few notches. This is what I needed. Now on the mornings when its too cold for me to go running, I'll pop Billy in and let him put me through my paces.
February 20, 2002 09:27:33 PM
It's Friday! I have resumed my morning walks by the river and I feel so invigorated. I have had so much on my mind recently around the wedding planning and all of the other things going on in my life. Getting out in the fresh, brand-new morning air and clearing my head is a wonderful way to begin my hectic days. I watch the sun come up and the river glistens. There is a flock of seagulls that has been hanging out on the banks of the river this week. They are pretty bold creatures and they pretend like they are not at all afraid when people walk by. Suddenly without notice they all take wing and fly away in a group and you almost want to forget that these birds are flying rats as their white feathers flutter elegantly in the wind and then gracefully swoop away. All around I can see the very beginnings of the emergence of spring, and it gives me so much hope. I am soaking all of this in and saying goodbye in my heart to these familiar surroundings.
The girls and I have an exciting weekend planned. I will pack up my gown and drive to NH so that my mom can fit the dress on me. I will also be shopping for shoes and gloves and some kind of neckwear. I am determined that we will resolve the whole bridesmaid dress controversey this weekend. Initially, my younger sister was going to make the gowns, but now she is so busy that they have decided to go ahead and order gowns. They are having a bit of trouble agreeing in a style, but I have given them until this weekend to solve it and get the dresses ordered. I am going to have three toddler flowergirls, and they are also going to wear purchased dresses. I am going to make them floral garlands for their heads with trailing ribbons. They will look like a cluster of princesses. I am tracking down my cousins from my mom's side and confirming my ushers. Things are moving and we are going to be ready. Everyone in my house is dieting because we don't want to jiggle as we walk down the aisle. Daddy is on a mission, and he is looking pretty good these days on his low-carb plan. Once I get back full swing into running in the mornings, I should be able to drop these holiday inches that I have been toting around. I am just so thankful for all of the many ways God is blessing us. Gifts are already beginning to arrive. We have found a house and Daryll is working on setting up the financing. Now I just need to find a job and schools for the girls. . . Jesus help me.
February 20, 2002 09:27:33 PM
I am so excited I could just scream! I arrived home this evening dragging my tired butt up the three flights of stairs to my house where I was greeted by a huge box in front of the door. The fitting muslin for my gown had arrived. I dragged the box in the house and opened it up and held up my gown. It is so beautiful and I was so happy to be finally holding it in my hands. When I got the dress on and I was twirling in front of the mirror, Leila came up to me and told me how beautiful I looked. "You look like a princess, mommy!" Then she said that she wanted to put on a pretty dress too. She got on her dress and Brianna put hers on and we danced around happily for awhile. Ain't life wonderful?
February 19, 2002 03:52:14 PM
This is school vacation week, and today I have my Brianna at work with me. She is helping me by answering the phones and now she is creating a spreadsheet for me. She is great company and a great help to me. I remember when she was little and I had to bring her to work with me. I would lay my coat on the floor under my desk in my little cubicle and she would curl up there and take a nap in the afternoon. Now she is 12 going on 30 and she is a whiz on the computer. (go figure) Rev. Hamilton has even given her a little project to keep her occupied. I am so proud of my girl.
My friend Ruth from Oregon sent me this email FWD today. I've seen it before, but its sweet, so I thought I'd pass it along.
God's Boxes I have in my hands two boxes which God gave me to hold. He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box, And all your joys in the gold." I heeded His words, and in the two boxes both my joys and sorrows I stored. But though the gold became heavier each day The black was as light as before.
With curiosity, I opened the black, I wanted to find out why, And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole Which my sorrows had fallen out by. I showed the hole to God, and mused, "I wonder where my sorrows could be." He smiled a gentle smile and said, "My child, they're all here with me." I asked God why He gave me the boxes, "Why the gold, and the black with the hole?" He replied, "My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings, The black is for you to let go."
February 14, 2002 04:29:03 PM Happy Valentine's Day!Although I will not be spending Valentine's Day with my sweetums, I am looking forward to spending this weekend with him. He is coming to town and we will go for another pre-marital counseling appointment. We will also go and bring in the measurements for the groomsmen's tuxedos.
Concerned about "culture creep?" Take a look at this story and book about the how the New York Times,"is subtly promulgating its own comprehensive worldview and value system. . ."
February 13, 2002 09:52:28 PM I have been thinking a little bit about death recently, and I wonder what it will feel like. I know what it feels like to be alive, and sometimes when I am really sick, or in excruciating pain I almost wonder if it would not be better to just be dead. Death is so final. If it is true that our souls are eternal, than we will be dead and existing as spirits much longer than we will as human beings. After I die, will my spirit wander around those who are alive? Do those who hav ealready died have the ability to follow us around and see what we do--sort of like a guardian angel or even just like a fly on the wall? As a child I used to worry about death and wonder if I would die a painful death or would it be in my sleep. Now as an adult I guess I realize that death is certain, but I also realize that the longer I live the more attached I become to the people around me. I would really miss not being able to watch my children grow and learn and enjoy life. I would miss their hugs and kisses. I would alos miss my favorite things about life on earth like sunrises and the scent of roses and splashing around in a rushing creek on a hot summer afternoon.
Invariably when I think about death I think about heaven and hell. Having been raised in a Christian household, the phrase, "If you sin you are going straight to hell," still rings in my ears. As a child I had a twisted sense of the way things worked. My theory was that as long I did more good things than bad things, then I'd be OK. I had the thought that maybe at the end of our days when we stand before St. Peter at the pearly gates he would have two lists on a long scroll. One list would be called, "The Good Things that Evelyn has done," and the other list would be called, "The Bad Things that Evelyn has Done." As long as the first list was longer and more illustrious, it woul simply cancel out the second list. Now I understand that I can't do things to please God. Our attempts at good works are as filthy rags to Him. My Lord simply wants me to trust Him and obey His word. As a human being I am going to sin, but as long as I confess my sin before Him I will be forgiven. My ultimate goal is to grow closer to God--to develop a more intimate relationship with Him and to always be grateful for His love and mercy and grace, to pray without ceasing and do my best to be the woman that He has called me to be.
As much as I enjoy this earthly life, I look forward to meeting Jesus in heaven. I look forward to meeting all of the saints that have gone before, and I look forward to just spending my days worshipping my God. I can't grow attached to this earthly plane because it is all going to pass away in the twinkling of an eye. What matters is that I am looking forward to spending eternity with my Lord. Keeping these things in mind helps me to look beyond the momentary troubles that come up to distract me from keeping my eyes on Jesus. So, I guess I'm not really worried about death. It's a little mysterious to me, but I know that it is a necessary step to usher me into His presence forever.
February 11, 2002 04:23:06 PM I'm back at work and I have just lost ten days of my life to a vile case of the flu. It has ravaged my household, and Brianna, my eldest finally succumbed over the weekend, and she stayed home from school today to recover. Now that I am re-entering the world of the living, I see a lot fo people walking around sick, spreading their nasty germs everywhere they go. Yuck. If you are sick, please saty home and keep your germs to yourself.
Anyway, there is just no way to catch up on ten days of lost work. I missed a training seminar, and now I have to play catch-up. I was supposed to prticipate in a community event this week, but now I can't afford the time away from the office. I was glad to hear that Rev. is considering hiring a fundraising consultant to help us raise some solid money for the Social Impact Center. I will just continue to work and try to make sure that things are on a solid footing when I leave this place in May.
My sweetheart is in town, and I seem to be unable to wipe this silly grin off of my face. He thrills me beyond measure, and I am counting the days until our wedding. My sister put the muslin for my gown in the mail, so I should be receiving it this week. I will try it on with the petticoat and have my mom fit me in it. We'll take digital pictures of me in the dress and then send it back to Angela in LA. She will make the necessary adjustments and then make the gown. The trick will be to not gain another ounce so that I can be sure that my gown will fit properly. I'm really not too worried because as the days get warmer I will be running more and more, and that always keeps the weight off.
I was listening to a tape of Rev. Washington's sermon from last Sunday, and it was powerful. It made me realize how much I miss being in church. Since I have been sick I have missed two Sundays in a row. One thing that he said that really resonated with me was about the difference between power and authority. We have authority given to us by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and this authority is very effective in the life of a Christian. He used the illustration of a crossing guard. Here was this tiny little 5' 2'' woman guiding students as they crossed a busy intersection. At one point there was a big truck approaching the intersection, but she boldly walked out into the street and held up her hand and the truck stopped. Now this little owman did not have the power to stop that truck, but it was the authority of her uniform, and the force of the law behind her that caused the driver of that truck to obey her command and stop his truck. In the same way, we might not have the power to overcome some of the obstacles in our lives, but we have the authority to claim them and pray that through the power of the Holy Spirit these things will be accomplished in us. I am so glad that the Lord is on my side and that I am His beloved child. There is no way I could get through this life without His love and guidance and protection in my life.
February 07, 2002 03:00:27 PM This has not been a good winter for me health-wise. It seems like I have been sick more often than I have not been. This flu really kicked my butt this time, and I am still recovering. There is something going on with my immune system and I'm not sure what, but I catch every little cold and other viruses that come along. I went in to work today, but Rev. sent me home. Oh well. I guess the work will just continue to pile up while I mend.
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