I gave him my little gift of a hat and socks that I made. I had already made him a hat while we were visiting with him over the holidays, but it came out about four inches too big because I began knitting the hat with size seven needles, and then when I got impatient with my progress I switched up to a size ten. Big mistake. Anyway, this new hat fits him nicely, and so does the hooded sweater that I had started. He showed me the little knitting swatches that he has been working on, and he is progressing nicely. I am so proud of my baby. I just love the fact that my big man sits up in the guard shack dressed to the teeth in his US Navy uniform, knitting during his downtime on duty.

I am looking forward to coming home to a cozy dinner with my man and then getting ready for our insanely crazy Saturday. Leila was so happy to see him that she did not even give me a hug, she just ran up to Daryll and held him tight and whispered in his ear, "you are my favorite Daryll." I love my child.

My friend Martha shared this photo creation that her daughter Anna made from photos she took on a drive west across the US in 1998. Its worth the few minutes it takes to view the animated collage.

January 17, 2002 11:09:39 AM

My Daryll is coming to visit this weekend! I have not seen him since New Year's day, but it feels more like three months. I have to do laundry and go to the grocery store and do something with this hair. We have a busy weekend planned. We are going to have breakfast with a friend and then to pick out the tuxedos. Later we will drive up to NH to visit mommy and Harold. After that we will come back home for dinner with the family. Cassie is supposed to be making salmon chowder and I'll probably make my famous cornbread. I will not be making any dessert because I am fasting from sweets, but Daryll has requested sweet potato pie from Mona, so I will have to crank up the willpower into high gear because I love sweet potato pie.

January 16, 2002 08:08:24 PM

Since pastor is in San Francisco dealing with Rhonda's dad's death, lay minister LaTease Brooks gave the sermon. Given the fact that she was informed on Friday afternoon that she would be preaching on Sunday, she did an excellent job. Her sermon was bout how we often get distracted from focusing on the positive changes we want to make in out lives because of the thoughts that occuppy our minds. She also talked about how these thoughts can distract us from praising God. The text was Philippians 4:8-9, "Finally, whatever is trues, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

Yesterday, I went to the fabric store and picked out a few patterns for the bridesmaids gowns. I also bought the supplies to make a couple of sample topiaries that we will use as the centerpiece for the tables at the wedding reception. Mona gave me a piece of fabric that is the perfect color for the gowns and as the accent color. The theme that I am working with is simple elegance. I am going to carry simply a dozen long stemmed red roses tied with a chiffon bow. My Bridesmaids will carry white roses with some baby's breath and greenery and a bow as well. I am going to build or buy two big topiaries for either side of the altar, and we will have simple pew decorations. Mommy is going to handle all of the print production, which takes a weight off of me. I find myself approaching the planning of this wedding in project management mode. I have assigned tasks and budgets and timelines. I have resisted the urge to develop a Gantt chart, but this is the way my mind works. I want to be as organized and efficient as possible while enjoying the whole process. Sometimes I just have to stop and pinch myself and giggle because I am so happy to be planning my wedding and my future with the man of my dreams.

January 11, 2002 09:25:27 PM

In the car on the way to a meeting I was listening to a Christian radio show, and the speaker was talking about perseverance and patience when waiting on God. He used the analogy of green fruit. It does not grunt and groan and work to get ripe. It simply abides. In due time it gets ripe. I had a wonderful "ah ha," experience as this hit home. Lately I have been gritting my teeth and digging in and praying and reading my Bible. I have been making a tremendous effort to deepen my relationship with God, when maybe I just need to chill--to be still with Him and just abide in His loving presence. I am such a perfectionist, and it might be time for me to realize that I can't make anything happen. Hmmmmm. I think I need to go and meditate and find some peaceful reunion and communion with God. After the week I've had it will be a balm to my spirit.

January 09, 2002 11:48:09 PM

Today is a typical gray, wintry January morning in New England. We got about an inch of snow yesterday, which is now almost all gone but the cars are covered with silt from the salt and sand treatments on the roads. The sky is gray and it just looks gloomy outside, but I am feeling really blessed this morning. Since I got home from my holiday trip I have been working out every day again and as we are fasting and praying this week I have been studying my Bible and praying fervently every day. God is moving in my life and I feel the presence of His Spirit guiding me every step of the day.

Daryll and I have been praying and studying the Bible together every evening, and each time we read the Bible together I am so thankful to God for sending me such a spiritual man. There were days and nights that I prayed for someone to share my love for the Lord with. I prayed for a companion who would be able to understand my faith and my devotion to God and be able to support my spiritual aspirations rather than distract me from them. I am so thankful for his passion for God. My pastor foretold three years ago that I would marry someone in ministry, and God has fulfilled that prophesy in my life. I look forward to supporting him while he attends Seminary, and while I never pictured myself as a preacher's wife, I will stand by his side as he defends the gospel and works to build up the kingdom.

Tonight my Brianna is presenting her 7th grade history project. They are studying World War I, and as I read over some of her notes I was horrified all over again to learn of the massive devastation brought about in that war. She is writing about the Christmas truce of 1914 in a little town called Ypres in Belgium. There were three major battles in Ypres and the town was completely devastated by the bombing. Over 500,000 people are buried there, and at least 90,000 bodies could not be identified, so the names of those missing are carved on a large archway in the town. Ypres is now a town of peace, but it is also overrun by cemetaries where the bodies of fallen soldiers are buried. It was interesting to learn about that truce in the early days of the war. The men crossed the lines and exchanged cigarettes and food and sat and sang and smoked together and sang Christmas songs and then a few days later they resumed killing one another. Through this project she has learned a lot about the darker side of human nature, and it makes me a little sad but its the truth.

January 07, 2002 02:56:44 PM

"Once we get intimate with Jesus we are never lonely and we never lack for understanding or compassion. We can continually pour out our hearts to Him without being perceived as overly emotional or pitiful. The Christian who is truly intimate with Jesus will never draw attention to himself but will only show the evidence of a life where Jesus is completely in control. This is the outcome of allowing Jesus to satisfy every area of life to its depth. The picture resulting from such a life is that of the strong, calm balance that our Lord gives to those who are intimate with Him."

I would love to find that, "strong, calm balance. . ." That is what I am striving for in my life. I have been struggling with trying to find a balance in my life between all of the demands on my time, and I just decided to let some things fall away and focus on my relationship with God. I will keep my commitment to have a daily time of devotion and prayer and physical exercise. I will find time to accomplish everything else, and there may just be things that don not get done. My focus is on things above. The things pertaining to down here will have to just work themselves out.

We began a 21 day prayer and fasting vigil at my church yesterday. I remembered to stop and pray in the middle of my work day today and it refreshed me. I am not sure yet what I will fast from, but even as I am writing this I know that I will give up sweets and desserts and any junk foods. I fell into a bit of a slump over the holidays as far as my diligence about my diet goes, but I am turning it around. I know that praying more during the day will do me a lot of good. Daryll and I already pray in the evenings together, which is wonderful for me. I am thankful for him and for his faith and for his committment to leading our relationship in godly way.

January 06, 2002 08:16:04 PM

After the show I drove up to NH and had dinner with my mom and step dad. She and I looked over the stuff I collected from the bridal show and we discussed what she would wear. My brother plans to come from Oregon to the wedding, but we might have to help him with the airfare for the kids. I can't wait to see my nieces and nephew. I have not seen them since 1997 when Jared was four and Brittany was six. Now they barely remember me. Nothing would make me happier than if I can have all of my sisters and brothers together in the same place. That has been my fervent prayer for going on three years now. If they all show up, my wedding will most truly be the happiest day of my life. Just the thought of it makes me want to cry.

January 04, 2002 02:47:31 AM

My older sister Angela turns 36 today, and I miss her terribly. She lives in Los Angeles and I am here in Cambridge 3,000 miles away. I was able to see her and her children this summer, but its hard to live so far away. I look forward to seeing her when she and Ruben bring the kids this way for my wedding in May.

I miss the close friendship that we shared when we were growing up. We did so many fun things together, and all of that ended when she moved away to go to design school. While she was away at college she met Ruben and got married and she never came home. When I found myself pregnant and alone in college, she welcomed me into her home and I lived there with her until a few weeks before Brianna was born. I am thankful to God for blessing me with such a great older sister.

Why is it that when you find someone you really love and care about old flames come creeping out of the woodwork to torment you? I think that Satan like to tempt us by bringing back people from our past that we have long since gotten over. I look at it as confirmation of what a good choice I have made, and how blessed I am for having such an amazing love in my life right now. I want nothing to jeopardize this relationship that is so amazingly wonderful. I wish nothing but the best for everyone that I know, but I just wish that folks would learn how to let go and move on with their lives.

While we were at a mall doing some last minute Christmas shopping, my sweetie and I got this picturetaken at one of those little photo booths. Isn't he adorable? I think we make a lovely couple.

January 02, 2002 09:53:02 AM

Here we are beginning yet another new year. The girls and I have been away spending the holidays with Daryll and his family. We had a lovely visit, and now I am trying to get settled back into the routine of my life. I love the turn of a new year because I love the feeling of a clean slate, the feeling that I have yet another chance to do the right thing and to please God with my life and to make the right choices. Of course I am free to do this at any moment on any day of the year, but there is something about New Year's Day that feels special for me. I was blessed this year to spend it with the man I love. The first words I soke as the year came in were "I love you," as my love held me in his arms. The next thing we did was to pray. I can't think of a better way to begin the year. I was with my girls and my soon-to-be husband and we were all safe and happy and blessed. I have all that I need.

My prayer for this new year that holds so much change for me and my family is that I would simply open wide my heart and my mind and my mouth and my arms and simply receive what the Lord would give me. My prayer is that I would focus more on listening for his guidance in my life and following what He has said. I feel so blessed to be a child of God and I want to tell everyone about what God's love has done for me and how being a Christian has changed my life for the better. I want to fearlessly proclaim God's goodnes and His love and His mercy and His grace which is from everlasting to everlasting. But most of all my deepest desire has not really changed. If I can glorify Him with my life and continue to be a yielded vessel willing to follow where He leads, then I really can't go wrong.

And so I begin this new year with earger anticipation of my wedding in May and beginning my new life as a married woman, a step-mother, a daughter-in-law, and a sister-in-law. I must learn all of these new roles in addition to a new job and a new home and new schools for the girls. I know that God will give me the strength I need to get through it, and I know that at this time next year I will have so much to reflect on and a whole host of new things to be thankful for. To God be the glory.