Today we had planned to go to the library, but its pouring down sheets of rain and thundering, so we'll pass on that for awhile. Leila is restless and bored, and so am I.

I sent off my coth to my knitting exchange buddy the other day. I can't wait to see what I will get. I was able to go to AC Moore yesterday and pick up some more Sugar 'n Cream yarn to make some more dishcloths. As soon as I get my hands on my husband's camera I will post the pictures of the new stuff I've been working on.

June 14, 2002 09:37:18 PM

It is about 7:20 in the evening. I'm sitting on the front porch in the cool evening air with my four-year-old nestled up beside me. We are watching the dwindling traffic go by and the occasional pedestrian walk past. The air is still damp from this afternoon's downpours and the smell of smoke from the barbeque fill my nostrils as I wait for our dinner to finish cooking on the grill.

I usually plop myself down in front of my computer when I write, but here I sit as a bit of a change of pace with a nice fat pen and my black speckled notebook from CVS. My topic is to write about those 'hot-button issues that really get me going, but I have chose to focus on because it has been on my heart and mind for awhile.

The first time I heard about the sexual abuse of a child by a priest I was horrified. At that time it was just one priest and one child, but soon more allegations began to emerge and a trend seemed to take shape wherein far too many priests were being accused of and admitting to the abuse of the children in their care. Although I was raised in a Protestant Christian family, my sisters and brother and I attended the Catholic school in our neighborhood to escape the tensions created by the forced busing situation in the mid-late 70's in a northern Boston suburb. For seven years of my life I was in a Catholic school environment. I remember that I loved the priests because they were always so much kinder and friendlier than the wizened, cranky, and often severe nuns with pursed lips, sharp tongues and harsh manners. The priests seemed to float around giving warm smiles and encouraging pats on the head. Because we attended an AME church and we did not have priests they seemed a bit mysterious to me. These were precious Holy Men who had a secret connection to God, or so I thought. To my young mind they were man angels that God had sent down to watch over little boys and girls and at any moment, like Enoch, they could be called to be with God Himself.

Fortunately, I never even came close to being abuse by a priest as a child. Nevertheless, I was horrified when the stories of abuse began to come out in the media. I hear those young men and some no-so-young men recount the vile things done to them at the hands of the priests they trusted. I saw the pain of lost innocence and betrayal etched into the faces of the victims and my heart broke. Hadn't these men taken vows of celibacy? Hadn't they taken vows to serve God and His people? How could these 'man angels' do such terrible things to hurt children?
What makes me even angrier is how, at least in the Archdiocese of Boston, Cardinal Law, rather than remove these criminal priests sent them off to new parishes replete with a fresh batch of children to victimize without warning to that flock that a predator was being sent to lead them.

Now as I sit here safely on my porch with my child wriggling around and chirping happily beside be while our dinner quietly simmers on the grill, I wonder how those people have found a way to get on with their lives. Some despite the deep betrayal have stayed in the church. Other of the victims has turned away from God and the church altogether. Here in my perfect little world I whisper a prayer of thanks for the blessing of an unscathed childhood and a prayer of hope and compassion and healing for those who have been hurt by men of God.

There is a passage in the Bible that says, "But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." (NIV Matthew 18:6) I find much comfort in the knowledge that God sees all and knows all and that there is always perfect justice in this world. The Lord spoke in the book of Deuteronomy 32:35, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them."

My husband is calling me inside for dinner, so I will set aside my pen and composition book and go join my family for our evening meal. Later I will type these words into my computer and probably edit it as I type. Changing my habitual writing setting seems to be a good way to open up my mind in new ways.

June 13, 2002 09:21:26 AM

I've got my Military ID now, and although the picture is horrendous I now have local identification until I get a new driver's license.

It rained like cats and dogs today, so we have just been hanging around the house for the most part. Last night my husband sat out in the yard until about 10:15 laughing and talking with some of his friends that he has known since childhood. They talked about old times and laughed and drank beer and I sat inside the hot house flipping the channels on the TV missing him and missing my friends back at home. It occurred to me that he is really the only friend that I have down here, and that is not good. I really need to get out and meet some people and get involved with something because I have no life.

June 12, 2002 10:01:19 AM

I joined the knitted cloth exchange, and I got my first name the other day. I need to take my dishcloth to the Post Office and mail it off. I think that this will be a fun way to correspond with other knitters around the country and the world because there are international members as well. I have been making dishcloths to get a head start on my Christmas list, and I have run out of Sugar 'n Cream yarn. I even designed one from a favorite simple lace pattern. I am also working on a beautiful, lacy baby blanket from a vintage 1950's pattern. I will post pictures as soon as my husband teaches me how to use his fancy digital camera. The cables for my camera are still packed away God knows where in that ominous stack of boxes.

June 10, 2002 04:02:34 PM

We are all trying to adjust to our new lives. It is not always easy to live in someone else's house. I miss my old house and having the run of everything. I will be so very glad when Daryll and I find a house of our own.

Leila is still having what we call 'melt-downs.' They are screaming fits of frustration that she did not display when we were back home--well, at least not quite so frequently. Today it seems like she has been having one continuous melt-down. It could be that its about 92 degrees today, but I don't know. its not that hot inside the house. This morning we filled up the pool and she splashed around in it with her Barbies for awhile. I sat by the pool and read a magazine in the little bit of shade that I could find. I did laundry and then we came in and she was drawing and I was knitting. She began to cry because she could not make the head come out right on her drawing and then it was just one thing after another until everything made her break downand cry. Finally, I got her to put the crayons away and pull out the Lincoln Logs. Much better. She is actually playing with them right now and watching Sagwa on TV.

June 07, 2002 09:22:17 PM

We went down to the base today to get my militay ID, but the computers were down, so we'll have to come back next week.

June 06, 2002 09:41:37 AM

I need to find a bookstore so that I can get a copy of Writer's Market. I have been faithfully doing my 'morning pages,' and I am looking to see if there are any places that offer continuing education classes around here where I can take a writing class so that I can meet other writers and get feedback on my work.

I spoke to my Brianna on the phone this morning. I cried after I hung up with her because I didn't realize how much I was missing my girl.

We're going to head out soon because we are supposed to get torrential rains this afternoon. Yesterday we were cooped up in the house because of the heat, but later today the rain will keep us inside.

June 03, 2002 09:45:16 AM

I have decided to go ahead and try my hand at freelance writing. I have been putting aside my desire to write, and it makes no sense. A writer must write, and keeping this little journal is not doing it for me. The Internet is such a cool resource for writers. All of my excuses are just being dissovled away as I find so many resources online geared towards helping writers become successful. Daryll is going to help me get my computer set up in a little nook in the kitchen so that I will have a place to work. I'm kind of excited about it.

June 03, 2002 09:45:16 AM

I am looking for a part-time job and I found a good lead in Sunday's paper. I'm not used to being home all day, but I look forward to hanging out with Leila.

June 02, 2002 08:05:11 AM

While we were loading up the moving truck on Friday, Leila and I took a break to walk to the corner store to buy posicles. Along the way we found a Golden Shoe, which is part of a campaign by the city to get more people to walk. The golden shoe is attached to a certificate redeemable for a pair of New Balance sneakers and you get entered in the grand prize drawing for a $1,000 shopping spree. I gave the shoe to Brianna so that she could get the new shoes, but I told her that if we win the grand prize, its mine. That was a fun way to end my last day in Cambridge.

I miss Cambridge and my family already, but I am glad to be here with my husband. His family is so wonderful, and I look forward to making new friends soon.