Micro-Stories

She's Learned

In the lazy Sunday afternoon sunshine she sat in a grassy park contemplating her life. The thought of going home to another dinner alone was not appealing. Then the brightness of his white teeth and the sparkle of his hazel eyes blocked the sun momentarily. “May I join you?” He inquired even as he was already lowering his lanky frame to the ground. Hands extended. Introductions exchanged. Polite conversation ensued. An easy rapport developed between them and they began to feel oddly comfortable right away.

The sun began its slow descent. The evening breeze was chilly. She began to rise to say goodbye and he rose to join her. Each one extended a hand as a spark of electricity seemed to pass between them and he held on for just a moment too long. As she pulled her hand away memories of heartbreak and pain and betrayal and deception washed over her even as she noticed the slim tan line on the ring finger of his left hand. Politely declining his invitation meet later, she swallowed hard, and headed home leaving him there. As she walked away, a silent tear escaped, but she kept walking not daring to look back.

Passing

Nana's breathing was shallow and scratchy--a death rattle. Mom and I each held one of her thin, clammy hands as her life ebbed away in the early dawn. As we sat in silence, each alone with our memories of her life. Mommy let go of Nana's hand to go re-fill the water decanter. Nana's feeble hand reached out grasping desperately. "She'll be right back," I reassured her, dabbing her head with a cool cloth. The child within me kicked and I placed her hand on my large belly. Could she feel it? She would probably never see this granchild. Tears fell. Hours passed. Succumbing to fatigue, my head slumped down and I fell into a heavy sleep.I awakened to the deafening silence. The death rattle had ended. As I sat up to stretch I saw that the sheet had been pulled up over Nana's face."She's gone on to glory, now," said Mom as she came over and wrapped me in her arms. I did not weep because I realized that I had been witness to an amazing moment. I felt honored to have been there holding her hand as she passed life's final threshold. I placed my hand on my belly and smiled. Life keeps going on.

Hunger

In the process of once again trying to lose some weight, I am coming up against an old enemy. To avoid dealing with this foe I have gone to many lengths to ensure that it would not inflict itself on my life. I have planned my days around keeping it at bay, and made bad choices on the occasion when it has had the chance to overtake me. This nemesis is hunger. A side effect of 'eating less and moving more,' is hunger between meals. As I continue to exercise and build muscle mass, I believe that my metabolism will even out. As my body adjusts to the smaller, more sensible portions, my stomach will, I'm hoping, shrink down a little so that I do not feel like death warmed over until my next meal.

Today I decided to take a spiritual look at hunger, and I realized how much it can teach me. I hate being hungry because its uncomfortable. Because I have low blood sugar, If I stay hungry for too long, I get shaky and faint. When I am hungry I feel distracted and all I can think about for any length of time is getting something to eat. These days I am learning to face hunger and actually use it to help me to be more disciplined. Matthew 5:6 says, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." Now, if I could hunger for righteousness in the same way I hunger for food, my life would truly glorify God. If I could focus on reading God's word the way I focus on composing my shopping list or planning menus, maybe my life would be that much more pleasing to God. In Deuteronomy 8:3 Moses said to the Isrealites, "He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." I need to remember that I am not this body, rather I am of spirit that is of God, who is the creator of everything that was created. When I am ready to lay this body down and go and meet Jesus, he won't care what that body looked like because it will be mouldering in the dirt. But I think He will care that I had discipline and did not give in to gluttony and to the pursuit of comfort over my pursuit of righteousness.

My aim is to turn these feelings of hunger around and use them as a way of heightening my awareness of how much I need God in my life. I will allow the hunger to steer my attention back to the Lord and give Him thanks and praise because although I feel the hunger, I know where my next meal is coming from. Through bringing my sacrifice of hunger and laying it at the foot of the cross, I can rejoice because I know that Jesus has already fought and won this battle for me. My task is to faithful and obedient and He will supply the strength I need to face hunger down and release me from its bondage forever.

A bright glimmer of hope can be found in Luke 6:21, which says, "Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh."

For a long time I have professed to the goal of living a life that glorifies God. I think it sounded like a pretty good goal for a Christian woman to have, but I was not at all diligent in discovering exactly what glorifies God and doing only those things.

I have had many detours in my Christian walk, but the Lord has always brought me back to Himself. I can safely say that the times I strayed for any length of time had to do with dealing with the shame of sin in my life and giving in to the adversary’s attempt to cause me to take myself out and give up completely on trying to live a righteous life. My life became so much sweeter when I came to the realization that I did not need to ‘get it right’ before God would love me. All I needed was to do is to confess my sin with a contrite heart, and He will always forgive me.

Yesterday, I was led to read the fifth chapter of Galatians and I was convicted anew. In Galatians, Paul is contrasting religious legalism with freedom in Christ. In verse 16 Paul writes, “So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” (NIV) I like how the New King James version puts it right out there in more graphic and accessible terms, “I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” The NIV continues, “For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the spirit, and the spirit is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.” If you are looking for black and white right and wrong contrasts, there it is. If you are going to live by the Spirit, you cannot embrace a sinful nature.

Because I can be rebellious and prideful and a little too confident in my own strength, I have on occasion found myself flirting with temptation. I tell myself that I can handle my business, but we are talking about the battle between our native, fallen nature, our carnal pleasure-seeking selves against the power of light and love and purity. These forces are, as the Apostle Paul says, “in conflict with each other.” Why do I want to step into the center of a battle poorly equipped? I have found that it is foolishness to put myself in a situation where I will be forced to use my own feeble will power to resist temptation. Both the Jabez prayer in 1 Chronicles 4:9-10, and the Lord’s prayer in Matthew 6:5-13 both ask the Lord to keep us from evil. Rather than ask the Lord to help us to handle temptation, it makes more sense to never end up in the place of temptation in the first place.

It is my prayer that I would walk in the Spirit every moment keeping my eyes on the Lord and allowing Him to order my steps and guide my feet. I also know that I will fail regularly, but I will not get down on myself because my God is gracious and full of mercy. I am on a spiritual journey and each day I face obstacles in both the physical and spiritual realms, but the Lord is with me and He will not let me fall. Living a life that glorifies God is seldom accompanied by harp music and soft glowing light. The adversary fervently desires to thwart every effort and set me back after every victory, but thanks be to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who has already fought and won every battle for us. It only remains for us to be faithful and obedient to His word.

Evelyn Beatrice Bourne

August 19, 2001